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Post by Shattereddream on Jan 18, 2008 11:54:07 GMT -5
CharactersGhoststar- pure white tom with purple eyes Whitefeather- white she-cat with black stripes and amber eyes Jasminekit- white she-kit with black stripes and purple eyes Scarpelt- black tom with several battle scars and green eyes Bloodfoot- black tom with one red paw and red eyes PROLOGUE A white tom sat in the clear moonlight, his bushy tail curled neatly over his snow white paws. He pricked his ears, alert for any nearby danger. "Ghoststar," a black tom mewed from behind. "I'll take watch now." The white tom nodded and disappeared into the undergrowth. Ghoststar sat down once inside and watched his mate groom their newborn kit. "Her name is Jasminekit," the queen mewed, as if reading the tom's mind. Ghoststar purred and gave the two identical she-cats an affectionate glance. A furious hiss startled the white tom and he scrambled to his paws. "Whitefeather." he said urgently. "Stay hidden and stay safe." With that, he leaped out into the open. The leader was dismayed to find a wolf circling the black tom who had taken over watch. Recognition flashed over Ghoststar's face as he realized that this wasn't just any wolf. "Fang!" the tom hissed. His violet eyes blazed with hatred as he lunged at the wolf with unsheathed claws. Ghoststar refused to lose yet another kit to the bloodthirsty wolf. The two toms darted back and forth, biting and clawing blindly. Another black shape joined the battle and Ghoststar recognied his freind and former deputy, Bloodfoot. Three full grown cats proved to be too much for Fang and he fled, howling in rage and defeat. "You not seen last of me," the wolf snarled over his shoulder. Fang howled again and raced into the trees. "Fang kill every cat in forest before Fang killed."
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Post by Waterfall on Jan 18, 2008 16:40:23 GMT -5
That was really good Shattereddream!! So what if it was short it was really good!!! Please continue soon!!
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Post by Shattereddream on Jan 18, 2008 17:38:13 GMT -5
Thanks =)
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Post by Waterfall on Jan 18, 2008 17:49:25 GMT -5
Yep!
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Post by Shattereddream on Jan 18, 2008 18:09:56 GMT -5
CHAPTER 1 Ghoststar padded back to the make-shift camp, carrying a plump rabbit. He tossed it on the tiny fresh-kill pile and padded in to check on his mate. Jasminekit had been growing so much during the past moons, and the white tom realized it would almost be time for her apprentice ceremony. If they were still in a Clan, that is. Many moons ago, Ghoststar was the leader of ShadowClan. He had brought some light into the Clan and proved to be a good leader. Some of his Clanmates, however, disagreed. They were ambitious young cats who believed that ShadowClan should remain evil and dark. One dark evening, the six of them had driven Ghoststar and any of his followers out of ShadowClan and into the snow covered forest. There were only the four of them. Bloodfoot, Scarpelt, and Whitefeather had been the only ones loyal and brave enough to stand up to the evil cats. They now lived on the outskirts of the forest, eating only what little prey ventured out this far. Leafbare was hard on all of them, and Ghoststar didn't know what he would do if one of these cats died. The tom shook his head, as if dislodging the unpleasant memories from his mind. He purred in amusement as his daughter pounced on his tail playfully. "Hi Ghoststar!" she squeaked, her violet eyes gleaming. Jasminekit leaped off him and bounded over to catch a leaf lazily drifting down from the bush's branches. Leaving the little she-kit to her playing, Ghoststar padded over and touched noses with Whitefeather. "Looks like you won't be stuck here much longer," he remarked. His mate nodded, drawing her tongue affectionately over the white tom's ear. Whitefeather suddenly let out a deep sigh. "She reminds me so much of Stripedkit," she breathed sadly. Ghoststar felt a pang of sadness hit him like a blow to the stomach. The sadness was soon replaced by rage as he remembered his encounter with Fang. "Jasminekit isn't joining StarClan anytime soon," he promised. The two mates brushed muzzles and Ghoststar padded back out of the undergrowth. At least I hope not, he added in his head. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ghoststar was laying comfortably outside, finishing off a squirrel. He kept one eye on Jasminekit, as he had let Whitefeather go off on her own for a bit. The tiny white kit bounded back and forth, chasing anything and everything that moved. Scarpelt padded over and sat down by the tom's side. "We've had a good greenleaf," the black tom mewed, gesturing to the well-stocked fresh-kill pile. Ghoststar nodded, gulping down the last bite of prey. He was just about to reply when a bloodcurdling cry echoed through the forest.
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Post by Waterfall on Jan 18, 2008 19:11:08 GMT -5
I'm on, but you don't deserve criticism. Your story is way too good!
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Post by Shattereddream on Jan 18, 2008 19:44:24 GMT -5
Thanks again! I think I may need at least a little though...
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Sunsetfur
s33wper m33wderator
New TSF M0d!
Teh Sunnieh is LOST
Posts: 1,260
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Post by Sunsetfur on Jan 23, 2008 19:23:35 GMT -5
Shattered, please don't double-post. It's considered spam. Anyway, nice start. I don't really have any criticism...I like Fang, though. You also called Jasminekit "Jasmineleaf" once. I like that name.
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Post by Shattereddream on Jan 25, 2008 15:51:09 GMT -5
Oops... Sorry about those...
Thankies though! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CHAPTER 2 Ghoststar lept to his paws, praying to StarClan the cry hadn't been Whitefeather's. He bounded towards the sound. Scarpelt tried to follow, but Ghoststar held him back. "Stay here with Jasminekit!" he yowled over his shoulder. Scarpelt fell to the ground, looking disappointed. Ghoststar raced through the undergrowth, desperately hoping he wasn't too late. If Whitefeather was injured, she could die. None of the cast who had accompanied him had any experience with healing. A howl pierced the white tom's ears, and he halted abruptly. The howl was coming from behind him! How was the former leader supposed to worry about his mate and kit at the same time? Ghoststar continued on angrily. Scarpelt could look after Jasminekit. The tom leaped over a fallen tree and stumbled, making a heavy landing. He struggled to his paws, and looked around. Ghoststar had been in too much of a hurry to worry about checking the scents around him. Realizing this, the tom scanned the area and discovered a pair of amber eyes peering out from the bushes. "Stay back!" Ghoststar yowled, raising a paw menacingly. The eyes blinked at him, and began to move closer. Ghoststar hissed, his fur standing on end as a brown tabby slipped out of the shadows. The tom gasped as he realized her paws were stained with blood. "Put your claws away," the tabby growled, slinking across the clearing. She didn't stop until she was a mouse-length away from the bristling tom. Ghoststar hesitantly did what she said. "Your paws," the white tom hissed. "What happened?" The tabby glanced down at her feet, as if she had forgotten that they were dirty. "What about them?" she retorted. "If you mean the blood, I've just been hunting." The she-cat sat down with a sniff and gave her forepaw a quick lick. "I'm Forest, by the way," she mewed, not looking up. "Well, Forest," Ghoststar began. "You wouldn't have happened to see a white she-cat with black stripes, would you?" The tom peered at Forest, waiting for what seemed like an eternity. "Maybe I have, maybe I haven't," Forest growled plainly. At this, she rasied her tabby head and stared at Ghoststar, her amber eyes burning with sudden hatred.
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Post by greysoul on Jan 26, 2008 18:08:04 GMT -5
HI,shattered i cant believe that i already read all this1
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Post by Shattereddream on Jan 26, 2008 21:15:59 GMT -5
Yeah, I've made most of the chapters short so far... Hope everyone likes it though!
Grey- Actually, you only read the prologue before. This goes farther into it than what you read before.
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Post by Waterfall on Jan 26, 2008 23:10:18 GMT -5
Great chapter and suspense, try to put a little more in each chapter!
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Post by coalfur on Jan 26, 2008 23:18:22 GMT -5
Like it? like it? *jumps up and shouts* I LOVE IT!!!!! *sits back down and considers her words* And i don't mean the kind of love that you say to be more popular with the other person. Or the kind of love that is back stabing. I mean the love that insipers one to read more. The kind that makes the story god even if something bad happens. *grinns sheepishly* Sorry but you know*shruggs* its true. Anyway *waves hand dismissivly* Just write more. Okay??
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Post by Shattereddream on Jan 27, 2008 10:13:05 GMT -5
Thanks to both. ^_^ Chapter 3 coming extremely soon... And will be longer. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CHAPTER 3 Ghoststar lunged at Forest. "If you laid so much as a claw on Whitefeather," he hissed. "I'll kill you." He clawed at the tabby's underbelly, feeling satisfied when he drew blood. "Who cares if I touched her?" Forest retorted, tumbling away from Ghoststar's claws. She leaped over him and nipped his hind leg viciously. The tom screeched furiously and spun around to face the rogue. "I care!" he yowled. He launched himself at Forest, knocking her off her paws. The white tom clamped his jaws down on the she-cat's tail. His teeth left a deep wound and sent Forest scrambling desperately to the safety of the undergrowth. Blood gushed from her tail and stomach, and she limped heavily. "Why?" she breathed, not looking back. "Why do you care so much?" The tabby spun around suddenly, her eyes dull with pain. "Whitefeather," Ghoststar murmured. "She's my mate." Forest glared at him. "That didn't stop my mate," she hissed. "He tried to kill me more than once, and didn't seem to care when I ran away." Forest turned away from Ghoststar. "And by the way, this isn't Whitefeather's blood," she mewed. "It's Fang's." "How can I trust you?" the tom growled, still furious about his mate's disappearance. Forest just stalked away, her wounded tail dragging in the dust. "Fine," she growled. "Don't trust me." The tabby padded away briskly, not stopping to look back even once. Ghoststar stared after the she-cat, bewildered. She could change moods so quickly, so unpredictably. He looked around, his violet eyes shining in the growing moonlight. "Where to start?" he muttered, wondering which way Whitefeather would have gone. The tangy scent of fresh blood masked all other smells, making it impossible to follow his mate's trail. The former leader sighed deeply, feeling utterly hopeless. Ghoststar spun around multiple times before finally heading off in a random direction. The tom traveled for what seemed like an eternity, not being able to find Whitefeather's scent anywhere. The bushes began to rustle, and Ghoststar turned calmly to face them. "Whitefeather?" he mewed hopefully. "Forest?" No reply. "Come on, Forest. You're not scaring me." "Ghoststar sure not scared?" a voice growled. Ghoststar froze. He slowly backed away, not taking his eyes off the undergrowth. The tom tripped over a root and took off running. "Fang get you!" Fang howled. "Ghoststar never outrun Fang!" The wolf wove easily through the trees, his cruel eyes fixed on the cat's fluffy tail. Ghoststar sprinted desperately, narrowly escaping Fang's gleaming teeth. He realized that the wolf's teeth were gleaming red; blood red. "No!" the tom yowled, turning on Fang. He leaped at the wolf's shoulder, claws glinting in the moonlight. "Hello little cat," Fang barked with glee. "Fang rip Ghoststar to pieces!" Ghoststar raked his claws through the matted gray fur, but drew no blood. Fang snapped at the tom, biting down hard on his tail. Ghoststar yowled, falling to the ground. He was blinded by pain, pain that grew by the second. The former leader knew Fang was still attacking, even though everything had gone black. His whole body ached, and Ghoststar could feel himself slipping slowly, so slowly into unconsciousness.
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Post by Waterfall on Jan 28, 2008 16:47:59 GMT -5
Great Chapter continue soon!!!
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Post by Shattereddream on Jan 28, 2008 16:49:47 GMT -5
Thanks! I will. ^_^ Getting better at making them longer
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Post by coalfur on Jan 31, 2008 21:37:45 GMT -5
Great chapter.*opera sings* I lloovveedd. *sits down breathless and panting hard* Okay * puzzles over some thing* Where in the world is Whitefeather? *sniffs* Please don't tell me Fang kills Ghoststar. He does dosen't he? *begins to sodd hestericly* Don't kill Ghoststar okay? *sobers then grins* You'll have to write more. *gazes into every shadowy corner to find breathless beings waiting for more* Looks like don't it?
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